The Lingering
I took my plate of rice, beans, and quesadilla from the food server before the hoards of hungry college students inched towards the glass case of the student cafeteria. I have been traveling towards this dining place too many times in the past few weeks. I am not sure if it is the frequent neglect of packing a homemade lunch or my desire to eat 3-star meals. Nothing wrong with dining on the fly and eating mediocre food. It’s one of those things you manage to do in college.
Yet, every time I go up to the glass case and order my food, I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness coming over me. It’s not the high-caloric food I am about to consume, but actually this Asian gentlemen that works as a food handler there.
Nothing about his outward appearance reminded me of him. He didn’t have that signature flat top hair-do, or the golden front tooth that made his smile shine a little more warmer. Nada. Actually, he didn’t look anything like him.
Yet, I can’t help myself from feeling this sadness whenever I do approach this man and give him my order. I can see his eagerness to get my order in his mind for that spilt 30 seconds that we interact. I look into his eyes, but I know he’s not really paying attention to what I am feeling or how I am acting. It’s all work to him, but I can’t help the way I feel.
I am reminded of the days where I stood behind the glass case awaiting hoards of hungry folks. Just waiting to have a sense of connection with anyone, perhaps strike up a small conversation while I scooped food into their plates. No one took me seriously, I was some dumb girl with a low-level job.
I never told anyone that this was a family business and that my father worked 7 days a week at the restaurant while they spent their precious family time on the weekends. I just bite my lip and did it.
Fast-forward a year and a half, I still have this lingering pain of going up to a glass case and looking out to an older Asian man waiting for me. He was waiting for me, as I waited for others in the past. I try to bite my lip and try to forget everything.
I am doing this for “him.”
